The Best Song Titles In The English Language

Surprisingly, this did not already exist––not to my satisfaction, at least. I offer no specific definition of “best.”

Note that in some cases a song title is noteworthy only with the context of another. In those cases, the two are listed as a pair. Also, this list has nothing to do with the quality of the songs themselves. I haven’t heard some of the songs on this list.

Feel free to contribute additional suggestions in the comments section. I’ll likely be adding to the list myself. Eventually, I’d like to have at least one song title for each letter in the alphabet.

A

“Adam+Eve Connection” by Deerhoof

“Ain’t That Pretty At All” by Warren Zevon

“Almost Always Is Nearly Enough” by Tortoise

“Animals Are Alarm Clocks” by Circus Devils

“Army Of Me” by Björk

“Aunt Eggma Blowtorch” by Neutral Milk Hotel

“Authentic Celestial Music” by Dirty Three

“The Autobiographical Grandpa” by Of Montreal

B

“Bad Luck Streak In Dancing School” by Warren Zevon

“Banshee Beat” by Animal Collective

“Barely Asian At The Beefcake Horizon” by Of Montreal

“Basketball Get Your Groove Back” by Deerhoof

“Bass Rattles Stars Out The Sky” by Death Grips

“Bat Chain Puller” by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

“Be Little With Me” by Stars Of The Lid

“Bees Going Postal” by Cloud Becomes Your Hand

“Between Your Ear And The Other Ear” by The Microphones

“Bomb The Bee-Hive” by Guided By Voices

“Boring Angel” by Oneohtrix Point Never

“Burning Flag Birthday Suit” by Guided By Voices

C

“Car Wash Hair” by Mercury Rev

“A Ceiling Dreams Of A Floor” by No Age

“Chain Of Missing Links” by The Books

“Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends” by Fall Out Boy

“Cloud In Places” by Grouper

“Cloud Pleaser” by Black Dice

“Contortion Out Of Confusion” by Melt-Banana

D

“Damn These Vampires” by The Mountain Goats

“Dance Cadaverous” by Wayne Shorter

“Dancing Venus Of Aurora Clay” by Dustin Wong & Takako Minekawa

“The Daughters Of Quiet Minds” by Stars Of The Lid

“Ddiamondd” by Battles

“December Hunting For Vegetarian Fuckface” by Stars Of The Lid

“Delta Sun Bottleneck Stomp” by Mercury Rev

Every song on The Early Four Track Recordings by Of Montreal which appear in this order:

  • “Dirty Dustin Hoffman Needs A Bath”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Gets A Bath”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Thinks About Eating The Soap”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Scrubs Too Hard And Loses Soap”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Does Not Resist Temptation To Eat The Bathtub”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Wife Comes Home”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Wife Seems Suspicious About The Absent Tub”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Feigns Ignorance Of Missing Bathtub”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Wife Calls In Detective To Dust For Porcelain Particles On Dustin Hoffman’s Tongue”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Tongue Taken To Police Lab Where It Is Used As Toilet Paper And Reading Material While On The Toilet”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Offers Lame Possible Explanation For Missing Bathtub”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Wife Makes A Sarcastic Remark, Cuts The Head Off A Duck, Places It Where The Tub Was And Begins To Groan (Growl)”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Becomes Indignant And Wets Himself”
  • “Dustin Hoffman Quits Bathroom And Climbs A Tree”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Children Enter The Bathroom”
  • “Dustin Hoffman’s Children Don’t Enter The Bathroom”

“The Distress Signals Of Celestial Objects” by The Flaming Lips

“Doctor Doom, A Man Of Science, Doesn’t Believe In Jesus, Why The Fuck Do You” by Curl Up And Die

“Dogs They Make Up The Dark” by Devendra Banhart

“Don’t Look At Me Don’t Leave Me” by Shit And Shine

“Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree (With Anyone Else But Me)” by Lew Brown and Charles Tobias

“Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am?” by Fall Out Boy

“Dopamine Clouds Over Craven Cottage” by Stars Of The Lid

“Downs Are Feminine Balloons” by Mercury Rev

“Dream: Paris 1965” & “Image: Paris 1965” by Lennie Tristano

“Drug Machine In Heaven” by The Flaming Lips

“Drunken Butterfly” by Sonic Youth

“Drunkship Of Lanterns” by The Mars Volta

“Dyslexicon” by The Mars Volta

E

“Earth Died Screaming” by Tom Waits

“Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell” by The Flaming Lips

“Eliminator Jr.” by Sonic Youth

“Enchanted Porkfist” by Meat Puppets

“Enjoy Your Worries, You May Never Have Them Again” by The Books

“Enter, Evening (Soft Line Structure)” by Cecil Taylor

“Ergo Space Pig” by Guided By Voices

“Ether Twisted” by Melt-Banana

“Everything Is” by Neutral Milk Hotel

“Exist In The Repeat Of Practice” by Raime

“Exploding Anthills” by Guided By Voices

F

“Fascination Attempt” by Robert Pollard

“Fifty Miles Of Elbow Room” by Rev. F.W. McGee

“Flashed Junk Mind” by Milky Chance

“Flow My Tears The Spider Said” by Liars

“Flunky Minnows” by Guided By Voices

“Fool Summons Train” by David Grubbs

“Foreign Country And Western” by The Books

“French Film Blurred” by Wire

“Frenzied Handsome, Hello!” by Deerhoof

“Fuck School” by The Replacements

“The Future, Wouldn’t That Be Nice” by The Books

G

“Get Wolf Boy And Get In Context” by Nervous Cop

“Ghost Tropic” by Songs: Ohia

“Giggle On The Stretcher” by Melt-Banana

“Gigolo Aunt” by Syd Barrett

“Good Intentions Paving Co.” by Joanna Newsom

“Good Morning Midnight” by Janelle Monáe

“Gore In Rut” by Deerhoof

“Gorilla, You’re A Desperado” by Warren Zevon

“Gulp A Sonata” by Amon Düül II

H

“Halluzination Guillotine” by Amon Düül II

“Heaven Is A Gated Community” by Robert Pollard

“Hell Is Chrome” by Wilco

“Hellhole Ratrace” by Girls

“Here Come The Warm Jets” by Eno

“Hey Foxymophandlemama, That’s Me” by Pearl Jam

“Horns Are A Dilemma” by Pere Ubu

“Hot Metal Dobermans” by Brainiac

“Hotline Bling” by Drake

I

“I Am Trying To Break Your Heart” by Wilco

“I Break Mirrors With My Face In The United States” by Death Grips

“I Can’t Believe You Actually Died” by Mount Eerie

“I Did Crimes For You” by Deerhoof

“I Didn’t” by Miles Davis (in response to Thelonious Monk’s “Well, You Needn’t”)

“I Got it Bad (And That Ain’t Good)” by Duke Ellington

“I Have The Moon, You Have The Internet” by The Field

“I Love Kanye” by Kanye West

“I See What It Is And I Am Scared” by The Crytearions

“I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me” by Fall Out Boy

“I Want This Cyclops” by Destroyer

“If You Can’t Talk About It, Point To It” by Laurie Anderson

“Iguana In Trouble” by Melt-Banana

“I’m Working At NASA On Acid” by The Flaming Lips & Lightning Bolt

“Imbecile Rages” by Of Montreal

“Inanimate Sensation” by Death Grips

“Incarcerated Scarfaces” by Chef Raekwon

“Itchy P-Pads” by Deerhoof

J

“Janitor Of Lunacy” by Nico

“Jesus Was A Capricorn” by Kris Kristofferson

“Just A Song About Ping Pong” by Operator Please

“Just As Well Get Ready, You Got To Die” by Blind Willie McTell

“Just Don’t Give A Fuck” & “Still Don’t Give A Fuck” by Eminem

K

“Kicker Of Elves” by Guided By Voices

L

“Language Is A Virus From Outer Space” by Laurie Anderson

“Laundry And Lasers” by Guide By Voices

“Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away” by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

“Let’s Do Everything For The First Time Forever” by Of Montreal

“Lick My Decals Off, Baby” by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

“Like A White Bat In A Box, Dead Matters Go On” by Melt-Banana

“A Little Longing Goes Away” by The Books

“Little Red Riding Hood Hit The Road” (especially w/ “Little Red Robin Hood Hit The Road”) by Robert Wyatt

“The Littlest League Possible” by Guided By Voices

“Lunatic And Fire-Pistol” by Julian Cope

M

“Maize Stalk Drinking Blood” by The Mountain Goats

“Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee” by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

“Mama, Won’t You Keep Them Castles In The Air And Burning?” by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

“A Manatee Dance” by Animal Collective

“Matchbook Seeks Maniac” by Deerhoof

“Meathook Manicure” by Brainiac

“Mega Ghost” by Lightning Bolt

“The Mermaids Of Extended Technique” by C. Spencer Yeh, Okkyung Lee, & Lasse Marhaug

“Meth Of A Rockette’s Kick” by Mercury Rev

“Melancholy Descriptions Of Simple 3D Environments” by Oneohtrix Point Never

“Miles Runs The Voodoo Down” by Miles Davis

“A Mind With A Heart Of Its Own” by Tom Petty

“Muzzle Of Bees” by Wilco

“My Body’s Made Of Crushed Little Stars” by Mitski

“My Gorilla Is My Butler” by Sly & The Family Stone

“My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama” by The Mothers Of Invention

“My Valuable Hunting Knife” by Guided By Voices

N

“Nasal Retentive Calliope Music” by The Mothers Of Invention

“Neon Meate Dream Of A Octafish” by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

“Never Ending Math Equation” by Modest Mouse

“Neutrons Whatever” by C. Spencer Yeh, Okkyung Lee, & Lasse Marhaug

“News From A Bird” by Deerhoof

“Nobody Really Cares If You Don’t Go To The Party” by Courtney Barnett

“Not D, But M, Also S” by Melt-Banana

“Not Track Five, Not Chainsaw Juggler” by Mitch Hedberg

O

“The Ocean Nerves” by Songs: Ohia

“The Once Over Twice” by X

P

“Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box” by Radiohead

“The Party’s Crashing Us” by Of Montreal

“The Past Is A Grotesque Animal” by Of Montreal

“Pegasus Glue Factory” by Robert Pollard

“Phantom Limb Masturbation” by The Black Dahlia Murder

“Pigs That Ran Straightaway Into The Water, Triumph Of” by The Mountain Goats

“Postal Blowfish” by Guided By Voices

“Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask” by The Mothers Of Invention

“…A Psychopath” by Lisa Germano

“Put All Your Eggs In One Basket And Then Watch That Basket!!!” by Marnie Stern

Q

(Send me a cool title to put here.)

R

“Rainbow Silhouette Of The Milky Rain” by Deerhoof

“Ray Gun Suitcase” by Pere Ubu

“Rice Precipitation” by Nervous Cop

S

“Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands” by Bob Dylan

“A Salty Salute” by Guided By Voices

“Scarecrows On A Killer Slant” by Liars

“Search For Delicious” by Panda Bear

“Severed Crossed Fingers” by St. Vincent

“Shocker In Gloomtown” by Guided By Voices

“The Shoes Of The Fisherman’s Wife Are Some Jive Ass Slippers” by Charles Mingus

“Shrug And Destroy” by Wilco

“Sinister Infrared Halo” by Guided By Voices

“Sleep Dealer” by Oneohtrix Point Never

“Sleeping In Blood City” by The Gun Club

“Smokestack Bellowing Stars” by The Takeovers

“So Far So Bad So What?” by Melt-Banana

“Some Questions About Hats” by Henry Cow

“Song About A River-Crossing Song” by Nagisa Ni Te

“The Sparrow Looks Up At The Machine” by The Flaming Lips

“Spiders (Kidsmoke)” by Wilco

“Stimulus For Revolting Virus” by Melt-Banana

“Subterranean Homesick Blues” by Bob Dylan

“Subtext Read, Nothing New” by Of Montreal

“Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac” by Dizzy Gillespie

T

“Tear Drop Paintballs” by Robert Pollard

“Tears Of Rage” by Bob Dylan & The Band

“Thirty-Five Thousand Feet Of Despair” by The Flaming Lips

“This Is Not The Stove To Brown Your Bread” by Blind Willie McTell

“Ticker-Tape Of The Unconscious” by Stereolab

“Timewhys” by Tonto’s Exploding Head Band

“Time Decanted” by Oneohtrix Point Never

“Tit Smoking In The Temple Of Artesan Mimicry” by Devendra Banhart

“Tonight We Sleep Like Empty Hard Drives” by C. Spencer Yeh, Okkyung Lee, & Lasse Marhaug

“Trembling Peacock” by Destroyer

“Tropical Hot Dog Night” by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

“The Trouble With Being Born” by Oneohtrix Point Never

“Twin Human Highway Flares” by The Mountain Goats

U

“Unchained Ladies Shopper” by Shit And Shine

“The Unsinkable Fats Domino” by Guided By Voices

V

“Vaseline Machine Gun” by Leo Kottke

“Vegan In Furs” by Of Montreal

“Vein Melter” by Herbie Hancock

W

“The Waltz That Carried Us Away And Then A Mosquito Came And Ate Up My Sweetheart” by John Fahey

“War Sucks” by The Red Crayola

“A Watery Kentucky” by Gastr Del Sol

“We Are Finally Cowboys” by Masafumi Takada & Jun Fukuda

“We Will Commit Wolf Murder” by Of Montreal

“Weasels Ripped My Flesh” by The Mothers Of Invention

“Weird Fishes/Arpeggi” by Radiohead

“When Extreme Dogs Go Wrong” by Shit And Shine

“Wilco (The Song)” by Wilco [from Wilco (The Album)]

“Wind In The Rigging” by Young Marble Giants

“Wooly Mammoth’s Mighty Absence” by Mount Eerie

“Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin’ Ta Fuck Wit” by Wu-Tang Clan

X

(Send me a cool title to put here.)

Y

“Yam, The King Of Crops” by The Mountain Goats

“Yeah [Crass Version]” & “Yeah [Pretentious Version]” by LCD Soundsystem

“You Have To Be Joking (Autopsy Of The Devil’s Brain)” by The Flaming Lips

“You Might Think He Loves You For Your Money But I Know What He Really Loves You For It’s Your Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat” by Death Grips

“Youth Culture Killed My Dog” by They Might Be Giants

Z

“Zebra Film Negative” by Guided By Voices

“Zombie Zoo” by Tom Petty

Misc.

“13 Months In 6 Minutes” by The Wrens

“14 Cheerleader Coldfront” by Guided By Voices

“(Something)” by The Microphones

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2 comments

  1. Craig

    Here are some:

    O:
    Ouch Monkeys – Julian Cope
    The Once Over Twice – X

    U:
    Under the Big Black Sun – X
    Up on the Sun – Meat Puppets

    V:
    Voodoo Idol – The Cramps

    Others:

    Take the Skinheads Bowling – Camper Van Beethoven
    Enchanted Porkfist – Meat Puppets
    Waiting for the UFO’s (sic) – Graham Parker
    Why Should I Lend You Mine (When You’ve Broken Yours Off Already) – Brand X
    Smacks of Euphoric Hysteria – Brand X
    The Roar of the Masses Could be Farts – Minutemen
    Mr. Robot’s Holy Orders – Minutemen
    Pretty Paracetamol – Fischer-Z
    Rowche Rumble – The Fall
    Here Come the Warm Jets – Eno
    Needles in the Camel’s Eye – Eno
    I Had Too Much to Dream (Last Night) – The Electric Prunes
    Medicine for a Nightmare – Sun Ra
    Your Guest is as Good as Mine – Sun Ra
    Fate in a Pleasant Mood – Sun Ra
    “I Didn’t” – Miles Davis, in response to Thelonious Monk’s “Well, You Needn’t” (see here: http://www.jazz.com/music/2008/12/17/miles-davis-i-didn-t)
    I Got it Bad and That Ain’t Good – Duke Ellington
    Too Much Sugar for a Dime – Henry Threadgill
    The Devil is on the Loose and Dancin’ Witha Monkey – Henry Threadgill
    “No, Your Product,” a follow-up to “Know Your Product” – The Saints (the latter opens the LP Eternally Yours, the former closes it)
    Scum Surfin’ – That Petrol Emotion
    2000 Light Years from Home – Rolling Stones

    • Entrippy!

      There are some great ones here! I especially like the “I Didn’t” and “Well, You Needn’t” combo, haha. I’ll definitely be incorporating some of these next time I revise the list.

      Thanks, Craig!

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